ito na new years resolution ko! actually sermon to ng isang pari pero sobrang ok siya.

1. Clear your heart of all the hatred

2. Clear your heart of all worries

3. Expect less of your family members

4. Live simply

5. Give more

(simple but practical :) try niyo rin!)

I am too unsatisfied. I get too jealous of so many things. Maybe I should stop dreaming my own self, and start discovering who I am. The same goes to other people who I want to be someone that are different from who they really are. I have to learn the art of satisfaction.

I have been thinking a lot lately. On regard to what job I will have when the future comes, on regards to my identity growing up. Growing up, I already made up my mind that I will be a doctor, a decision based more on salary really than what I really want to do. This decision developed more on unstable and impractical reasons of choice. So this past 2 months, I was further inspired by life dedicated to media and art. An this worried my parents that there dream of me becoming a doctor wasnt gonna come true. I wanted to be an advertiser, and live a lifstyle like those in Makati city. I am pretty confident it will work for me though. I mean I do have the talents for it, heck i amm creative enough. Sure, it will be tough and a pretty unstable lifestyle, but I am willing to take a risk. But now, I think I am subconciously in it for the wrong reasons (again). Maybe I want to be like the people in Tv. I recently came to the idea that maybe there wasnt really a fork road to hesitate on. I think I got driven by jealousy. I wanted to be like those "cool" people, that I forgot all the things I learned, like my purpose in life. And that pupose, I know is about being a person for others.

Come to think about it, at the end of both journeys, I know where I am really going to be happy with. And I remembered that life is really not to be lived on earth. There is a better place waiting for us. So it only came to me now, that there really was no crossroad. I was only making crossroads for my own selfish reasons, reasons of identity perhaps. But I think when coming to a big decision like this one, you have to think of the greater good, not necessarily majority of it is your own good.

"A wise Philosopher once said that you can't choose the family you're born with. But I think family is just a starting point in our lives. They clothe us, feed us, take care of us, until we are ready to go out in the real world and find our drive."

-"ending quote in Grey's anatomy"

Yesterday was my cousins's wedding, at the same time REMING was threatening the day with its violent winds. Ang galing nga eh, kasi parang lahat ng prayers nila ate narinig. The storms shifted and naging signal number 2 na lang, na ineexpect na 4. At di pa umulan! Another thing is, the original plan was to hold it on December 1, na isang working day. The wedding was to be held on an afternoon. Tapos nabalitaan na holiday na lang ang one! Di pa ba miracle yun??

Basta I know na these things arent just coincidence. I know na intervention ito ni God. I guess talagang they deserve to be each other and may plan si God para sa kanila. They are already 26 pataas (sorry di ako sure) and they have stable jobs. At Im 100% sure na they have good souls.

Last night was a blast. I can see na talagang happy sila. Ang weird nga eh, kasi I really havent accepted na adult na si Ate. I was still conseidering her to be part of us "kids" (na normal social system sa amin) and not really a member of the adult click.

I can only imagine how Uncle and Auntie must've felt. Talagang hinohold nila emotions nila sobra. Its really hard to let go of someone. I respect them both, who tried to make the day sa happy as possible, to put on a smilih face, kahit umiiyak na sila sa loob. If they are like these sa panganay nilang babae, paano pa kaya kay Tricia na bunso? haha.. They said na "no touch" kay Tricia. haha totally understandable.

I can see it na. The new generation will soon come, and imbis na nakikiparty lang kami sa tradition of Christmas parties, kami na naghohold. Tapos all atention will be on the babies and little kiddies. i just hope our bonds will remain strong through the times, and I will make sure that that will happen. Sana our traditions will still exist even if our hairs grow white. At Im hoping na sana nga.

P.S. Me and my brother spent most of the night thinking how our wedding will go. ang gay no??? haha:)

Normally, pag Christmas ako yung tipong super excited.. Ako yung nagtatayo ng mga decorations na kaekekan sa house namin. Ala ako na rin pala consultant. Ano theme, ano kulay, ganyan ganyan. At lalo pa ko excited sa mga regalo! Haha ako yung tipong sumsilip ng mga possible hiding place ng gifts... haha sorry na lang sa family ko.

But now, as Christmas is 24 days away, i dont feel that spark anymore inside me. The excitement is gone. Para bang normal na lang. I dont have a definite explanation talaga pero siguro on account of me being grown up. AAhh!! Na mimiss ko na nga yung mga days na yun. Guessing for hours how Santa sneaks the gifts into the house, nag papatrol ako at baka makita ko siya... haha... Pero now I feel like my parents. As if Christmas is nothing but normal. Nawala na yung times na Christmas for me is hot chocolate season, comforter season, barbecuehan season, na feeling ko winter sa amin..

Well, maybe madami lang akong nasa isip ngayon. School stuff tapos social life ko pa and mga problems na ineentail nun. But hopefully CHristmas will come back to me, at sana di maging kagaya last year na total disaster.

Labels: Christmas